Kevin: And then Pat took out the steaks that he'd been marinating, in his super-delicious special marinade, for the past 3 days and he put those juicy steaks onto the grill and, oh, how they sizzled!
Me: Great. What do I get to eat?
Kevin: Oh, you get asparagus! Isn't that delightful?!
Me: Right, delightful. I love asparagus. I love how it's my favorite color, green, and how it makes my pee smell, and how very un-steak like it is, how very deliciously vegetabley it is. Yep, I love asparagus so much I practically want to marry it!
Kevin: Well, good.
Me: I want steak.
Kevin: Oh, huh.
Me: Oh, huh? Well, that's supportive.
Kevin: Oh, um, okay...be strong! The steaks probably taste disgusting and meaty and gross. Think of the motherless baby cows!
Me: Good try. Now, pass me that nice juicy-looking hunk over there.
Kevin: Are you sure?
Me: (snarl)
Kevin: Okay, but you're no longer a vegetarian.
Me: (very indignantly) YES, I am! This is only a temporary "I'm on vacation" respite from my incredibly vegetable-filled life - a special one-time allowance for steak. Then I'm back to being a real vegetarian.
Kevin: Weeeeeell, techinically, you weren't ever really a vegetarian in the first place.
Me: (snarly and indignant) WHAT are you talking about?!
Kevin: You eat fish.
Me: Correction. I eat salmon and shrimp, that's it. So, really, I am almost completely a true vegetarian.
Kevin: Except for that second helping of steak you just finished.
Okay, you get the idea. We were on vacation, there was steak, I was weak. But only once! Okay, twice, but I only ever cheated with steak so it's like it only happened once. Okay, the second time involved chicken, which I have always claimed to detest...EXCEPT for when it's been wrapped in a cinammony filo-dough of magic and is being served at my all-time favorite restuarant and I can barely even taste the chicken, so there. I would like to say that my two vacation-induced vegetarian violations ended my foray into meat-eating again, but, sadly, they didn't. On Monday, I somehow let Kevin talk me into making a rather copious pot of beef stew cooked with Guinness. I had three bowls this week. It was good. But that's it! I am DONE with meat! Except for salmon and shrimp.
By the way, look at this shirt I found. I think the proverbial shoe fits.
